I knew I had matured when I realized every situation doesn’t need a reaction. Sometimes you just have to leave people to do the things they do.
Sometimes you have to hold back
Only you have the ability to control your feelings and emotions. What others around you do, say or project can only affect you if you let it. The challenge is always to stay in adult state and not drop to the child within you as a result of someone else. Dealing with people can be a constant source of stress and grief. Or dealing with people can be a constant source of enlightenment and experience. You choose which of these paths you follow.
Do you find your mood dictated by others? Do you find your feelings altered by others? Do you descend to the level projected from someone else? Do you react to an argument and go down to someone else’s level? Your reaction to these situations are a personal choice. Choose to be the adult.
How coaching has helped me
From my coaching I am quick to catch myself when I feel I am heading on a path not of my choosing. I will often catch myself and have a wry smile at a judgement I may be making; or a conscious realisation when I am drifting into a state not of my choosing. I have developed techniques to avoid taking on someone else’s mood, view or projected feelings.
It is far more liberating to be able to control your own emotions and feelings. To not allow someone else’s words to hold power over you. No one has the ability to jump inside you and alter your state. Or for someone else’s mood to hold sway on you. Only you can decide how you react. Being in control of that is a wonderful thing.
What can you do to keep the peace?
Learning tricks and techniques to aid you to keep your state, to keep your perspective is a powerful tool. One easy step is to look objectively when someone is ranting or shouting. You do not know what their day has been made of, what their experiences have brought them to that moment. The anger may be irrational, their venting may be a something else. Standing back and not descending and re-acting is essential. Look objectively and see through the emotion and decide what you can do, how you can address to resolve and calm them, not adding to the situation.
Understanding your emotions is useful; controlling your emotions is powerful; choosing your emotions is liberating!